Tuesday, December 23, 2014

dear post secret: one time i was put on the spot by my first "serious" boyfriend. he asked me what i found most attractive about him. i didn't know how to lie, so i told him "your eyelashes".

dear post secret: the first guy i dated was such a bad kisser that he broke the bottom webbing of my tongue. i bled a lot and went to the E.R. the bottom webbing grows back, as if a lizard's tail. i promised him then that i'd keep it between us, but i've told this story many, many times.

dear post secret: i wish that i was raised with a better religion than "christian-athiest".

dear post secret: i had a crush on my ex-stepmom's cat. it drove me up the fucking wall. it was more like, like many things i've experienced, having an evil twin tell me i had a crush on my cat than experiencing lovey-dovey thoughts about my cat. no. it was EXACTLY like that.

dear post secret: this also happened with my dad. i was convinced i had a crush on my dad. i think that was a by-product of spending all of my childhood before then trying to impress dad.

dear post secret: when i was little, i became mean to a friend that was nice to me because i was scared i was a lesbian. my sister told me i was.

dear post secret: i'm beyond scared that i did a lot of the things i have done because, unconsciously, i wanted to collect compelling stories. and maybe not unconsciously. maybe i'm just a monster out to manipulate the world.

dear post secret: every crush i've ever had has been obsessive.

dear post secret: i love aileen wuornos.

dear post secret: i'm invariably afraid of overhearing other people behaving sexually to the extent that i'm convinced it's frequently happening, but i'm certain i've been heard over and over as i feigned reckless abandon.

dear post secret: i always lie to therapists when they would ask if i'm having protected sex, because i didn't want to feel like i was in trouble. i've had more unprotected sex than not.

dear post secret: i'm so sensitive about invalidation that when i talk to people i am always afraid of accidentally invalidating that other person.

dear post secret: my favorite novel is "the bell jar", and probably because i can actually concentrate on it.