Wednesday, January 7, 2015

in a dream i was visiting dad, but he was behind the scenes, the inner workings of my unconscious mind i generally let go idle these days. so i went to the vintage store below his house, saying hello to old friends, the twins that run the shop. while they left the shop for half of a minute i stole several items. it's just too easy sometimes.
as it turned out, the twins were never there in the first place. they were in what was now their house that was upstairs. i don't remember if i did steal things after all, or if i was just observing them, every little detail of these twins whose taste in vintage shit i admired so. sitting on the vintage couch in the shop to feel like i was cool too. one of the twins came running downstairs, asking out of sheer suprise when i got there, because she always comes running down out of excitement when she hears the shop door open. so it turns out they had seen me before, but thought i had left when they left. i stayed behind, and they caught me. i lied and said i just got there, again.
out of nervousness i began picking up all sorts of trinkets, joking that i was going to steal them. some sort of irony to cover my tracks that i believe i left.

in another dream all these couples had dying partners, or partners that were going to leave. it was reality tv. all i care about was this one guy, in his eighties. someone said about him, "you know, he's the most interesting one, because he's the one who is going to be the one to lead a life of solitude." i watched him sitting in a beach chair, watching the sky over the ocean, wearing a brave smile.

in this next dream i was in high school again. i couldn't handle my assignment because there were all these voices racing around me, though they were really in my head. i kept slumping over, feeling paralyzed, holding my head up as best i could, failing away at school as i do in all of my school dreams. i repeated several times, "it's too manic. everything is too manic."
this dream holds significance for me. because when i woke up, i thought it really does feel that way. everything is manic except me. it's too distinct to mistake.