Monday, July 27, 2015

hallelujah or however its spelled.

i've got a rock and the rocks got me.
the rock and i have got each other
so i've chained myself to it. it's pretty
heavy but i asked for it

so i won't let myself go. i like fucking up

and i like that i'm not getting anywhere. i like
being overwhelmed by my thinking enough

that i'll never fully absorb anything.
i like that nothing sinks in.
i like your bullshit.
i like my knee jerk reactions and i like
being crazy.
i like loving opposites who hate each other.

yesterday i thought about my brilliant future:
i've been viewing myself running down to
that nasty lake like

a video game. i like
that i'm incapable of seeing from my own
fucking eyes.
people try to catch me but they keep dying.
i run across broadway and the cars

crash into each other and explode.
i keep running and my feet hurt because
i've stepped on a lot of glass.

i keep kicking everybodies ass.

i get to the lake and people try to stop me from
going in it.
i tell them to get their rapist paws off me

and i elbow them in their eyes.
i get in the water and i die.

it's not that i want to die but i think i might as well die.
it's intrinsic and i've ruined my life.

i sure do like putting myself down.

god, take away the prayers and keep
the lightning bolts coming.
i don't like wanting because i feel very guilty that i want.

i don't like not wanting what i have because it seems
awfully ungrateful.

being sick for life feels like hell. it's awful nice
of me to see heaven in some things.

i sure am cute i'm a real cherub.
i've never done anything but been a complete ass.

check it out i'm resentful i wasn't taken care of.
check it out, i hate therapy.
check it out, i hate medication.
check it out, i hate everything.

check it out, god has big plans for me.