Sunday, August 23, 2015


talk invites me to listen to it, so i interact
with it, melting into it.
silence, too, invites me

to listen to it, but it doesn't seem to exist,

so i move somehow else- my body feeling lame.

now is the time when i invite myself to listen to
whatever comes to mind. china

comes to mind. i know it is there- i know its silence well,
i know it's on
the opposing pole of the world. kills me

i haven't gotten there yet. no
directions to it that make sense really have been

invented yet. a reiteration to myself- i once

was lost, and continue to be lost- earth-mother
looking to give.

china scares the shit out of me. longing for it,

it wants something from me- everything always wants
something- but
i didn't know what it was it wanted. something

that wasn't money, sex, acceptance, entertaining....

it doesn't even seem to exist, after all.

i had enough of the china shit; had enough of wondering, panicking,
and feeling shitty. plans

were being pieced together.
i refuse to let china acquiesce loneliness, though, nevertheless,
you already have- and you cannot

be saved by another soul from it, only unsucked
from your own black hole-

loneliness is a star that'll die soon after

you sell your soul to it, and
leave you hanging. loneliness is a fury.

even if its your own blood on your hands, its blood
all the same.

you must get away from being lonely.

you must take what it is you need for your hive.
one day, it'll all fall into place, and the sky

will reflect more than broken-mirror sensibilities-.

that day will be when
my blindfold will be taken off. the tail

will be no place near the donkey, which i'm sure
must be so fucking embarrassing, but
i might like

being able to see, anyway. as is, there's too much fucking dew
under my feet. they feel like

pin-prickling. i'm too in touch

with all of my senses disorganizing themselves.

there's only one thing left to do. what is it, sir? may
i sleep? no, little one. of course not. you must dig to china,

show up, and let china happen to you.

find out if this is a rescue mission or a fairy tale.
this black forest

is up to you.