Monday, August 31, 2015

symptom relief.

what it is i desire most, when i reflect on it, is for an angel to watch over me- but to also be an angel. partly, i am kept alive driven by this desire.
it's not that i'm not interested in "trying" at life. i want to feel better. this is my cheerleader statement for myself i validate. i totally do want to feel better. but i've got devil issues.
i need patience. my head is dizzy. i don't understand most of my own minds language, or that which it "externalizes". i don't want to hear the interpretations of most people, nor do i want to interpret the world- merely, i'd like to find a translator for my own. i might not trust them. whatever trust is.
so whenever i experience an intervening sensation- something that has a language- i thank it, and document it. this is my job. it is a real job. it is a means of survival. there is evidence: i am alive. and there is the future, founded on evidence, but fully invested in everything aside from evidence.
let it be forever. it means a lot to me.