Wednesday, September 9, 2015

sleuth investigations.

not my usual thing, but i tried to find porn to help me last night (mostly, with boredom, and for a replacement for my own profoundly disliked "fantasies").
i checked out the fetish section on youporn and even almost made an account on a really promoted ashley madison-like site "just to see wtf", but caught myself and stopped.
there was one highly rated video of an older gentleman and an AMATEUR PIGTAIL BRUNETTE CUTIE (or whatever) playing with her barbie and ken dolls around his genitalia. she then put ken's shirt on his dick, and proceeded to blow him. the older gentleman never looked so in love in his life. the girl looked scummy, vapid, and empty. longing. this obviously could've been statuary rape. unfortunately, it was kind of really hot.
to make matters seem worse to myself, another video keeps sporadically upsetting me all day. this middle aged, tattooed, extremely creepy guy was having what would seem like ordinary sex with a SHY AMATEUR STUNNING SLUT (or whatever)- ordinary, if she weren't crying the whole time. it didn't cross my mind until today this could've been rape. i don't know why that didn't strike me as rape when i was watching it. i guess because it reminds me of the seriously masochistic sex i used to have when i used to have sex. too much sex, and all of it with my middle aged, tattooed, extremely creepy exboyfriend, and last boyfriend i will ever have. it hit me this morning, what i watched, willingly, was probably totally rape. of the (alleged) rapist creepy guy, the stunning amateur slut, and myself, who is in question of being really fucked up?

i mean, it did take forever for it to hit me being fucked in my sleep is indeed rape.

i hate rape, but i may hate sex more.