Monday, February 29, 2016

baltic vestiges.

a look toward the future. i know what you want. you want everything except what you have no choice but to get. the executioner is a friend of us all.
this is the time of the nuclear bomb, to me. i imagine i love at the eye of a mushroom cloud, the center most tree ring. i wanna see my baby but younger 'kuz now he is mutilated. i wanna see everything done as expected of us to do. i've got a life to move forward like a gigantic rock. i want to sleep. okay, i did it.
i take myself in the going-away-forever chain of countless forbidden souls.

purgatory: earth. i cannot live with knowing this circumstance. i think i jump into the pool that is the swan lake.
i come back acting savagely with a banjo on my knee. i leaned toward the future 'kuz people divided up space according to the invention of universal perspective.

i worm away and come back five hours later. there is no chance of me escaping pain. today, i am defeated. i am silently grieving and not knowing why. i am resentful and i don't know why. i feel like a boggle game, as well as an earthquake. the beast of abandonment was near. i needed to be still. there's a documentary about not trusting the amount of directions the planet insists it has. i never know where the fuck to go.
i beg of you on my knee, senorita, mami, take the flesh off of me and eat it slowly. marry me, marry me with cannibalism, eat my whole body as i suffer alive well i wanna suffer somehow and i ought to do so greatly.
unmanning my showingness, my unique sensation, feeding it to rich people who hoard all their money and suck the lives out of people like me. not one of you is as cool as me. sucks.

<< [...]my disasters. somewhere else- venezuela, perhaps- and i'd be comfortable with my thinkings as is.
i go to the doc. i complain i still feel disturbed and that it's beyond hard to explain, and i worry it comes across as a trivialized pursuit, as a ploy for attention, though i'm phobic of attention in an ironic way. each week i report how much of a vulnerable, bewildered type of young lady i am.>>

i sell a love letter that i intended to burn. i make a lot of money. i am
on the run.