Wednesday, March 30, 2016

my baby one time.

my sensibilities that
keep me a child
have been
crushed
by a lie, which was a worm
that was trying to find my childlike
heart
so it could eat it.

now, i don't
remember anything except
the pain of crushing.

god had set this up.
he told me:

leave the village as a child
discover truth in a booby trap
come back a man.

isn't this what every wild person wants?

i had found the truth upon
caprice, not recognizing it at first. then, my body

began to speed up. "go, throw

the truth out." i whispered
inside myself, eyes wide as an owls.
nothing mattered

except ridding the world
of what the truth

turned out to be. "go, now!"

i turned to run with this thing
my blood turning with me, quickly
but god was right behind me.

"throw the truth out," god begins. he
has to be tricking me.
"it's not worth doing anything else with."

"yes, i understand that."

"you cannot tell the truth. nobody will believe you.
you'd only be fucking shit up."

"understood, sir."

as a child i've
fallen for lies of all kinds

feeling like shit for doing so.

i stuff myself into
the fancy
land of ideals

oh how
creepy
people on the street. oh how creepy.
i fall for people on

the street because i need someone else
to make me feel majestic so i could

talk just like god. one day i will i believe in
myself

i fall for the cause
of others flourishing
to distract them from the truth

the indifference of god is to
freak me only myself out
from now on.

i must go on from child-man
to desert nomad
to god.

the people
flourish from their disappointments
having fully made love to them,

into a sky rising beyond disillusionment.

there's no point sticking
around here anymore, is there?

it makes me feel real but it's all bullshit but it's all i know i must defend it.
it makes me feel real but it's all bullshit but it's all i know i must defend it.

the truth is not a big deal we can fly now.
we can fly now.