Saturday, March 5, 2016

god bless the child.

general surgery: i am opening up a little bit. the insignificance is the part that hurts. my brain will never re-structure on chemical injury. my kidneys are dead as is my thyroid and my liver my brain all because the mind is a waste if you don't empower it.
(patience li'l child or i'll hurt you again)
who said that.
(patience, li'l child. i ought to cause ya pain.)
gasp. gasp. i'm havin' me a heart attack.

(patience you don't wanna be a chicken, do you? well, you are. chicken. bock bock bock. patience, or else we'll pump you with antibiotics....hormones...anti-depressants....psychotropics...
)
in desperation, i would do anything. and i will, because i'm desperate right now.
i'm simply desperate for anything that'll get me to seem a new way for the future. i'm simply desperate to distort the past for the future. i simply gotta overpower the tradition of the obituary- i gotta disobey god and be an entity-less human-rot being paved into marble. "uncanny how this marble is dead and we won't even admit it."

"when it truly be dead, said the african man, we are incapable of admitting such."

oh, venerable stink- i keep
sliding in and out of my ego's ecstasy-
though i want my ego to be dead- i enforce

its slavery on- myself-

nothing else is moving- i break not-
into a sweat. i feel like i'm in a factory. yes, the urgency is mechanical- made
for the masses.
i am going inside your mouth or mind, 'kuz i love you. love means acceptance, like
the acceptance of my wounds, sweeping over my nuded body in a sandsweep. i hear
the sinking the falling the believing the claiming to know the knowing the ought to
be knowing

i am aware of my blood it's red red red red red red red red red redred red red red red red red red redred red red red red red red red redred red red red red red red red redred red red red red red red red redred red red red red red red red redred red red red red red red red redred red red red red red red red redred red red red red red red red redred red red red red red red red redred red red red red red red red redred red red red red red red red redred red red red red red red red redred red red red red red red red redred red red red red red red red redred red red red red red red red redred red red red red red red red red                                   red like a relationship.

oh look i am so famous dreams come true. i took a picture of my face and hung it up in public. i am frozen in time, a trick, impossible reality, a god- a person that isn't a person, merely an image, so you can sic dogma on it.
all i see are images. even staring at beautiful things i don't feel pleasure. typical american. i make a living of the economy leeching off of the process of my work by trying to make me normal by assaulting me with advertisements.
red red red. red sunset red lips red blood of the elderly and too the young. red the artist and their symbolizings- their portraits of symbols of reality for the current motherfuckers on their thrones. there is no cause but red. red swan. red knife. red crow's nest. first red breasted robin i did see yet today. red denial of our obvious tiredness- is it too obvious?- red god my fucking back aches sometimes. i it still to have my portrait turn red my color of coldness and of heat- red- the agony! the agony! i paint the queens and learn to victimize myself over it. often, i see people do the same thing. i see parents treat their children like shit in public all the time and all i do in response is get transfixed. (how may tonsils do you have removed?) (nine thousand.) (awesome.)