Tuesday, April 26, 2016

introducing intellectuality as delicate identity.

engaging in anarchy is difficult when you accept pharmaceuticals as a part of your life (if i didn't, which has happened, i'm sure i'd be in an even more believably dangerous place), you spend every moment of your life just making sure you're surviving until the next moment and that's exhausting enough, you're unable to experience joy, let alone pleasure; you feel inferior to everything (including the concept of anarchy and ideology of anarchism), you feel overwhelmed and like you want to hurt yourself as a result of generating information, you're so confused that you don't even know why you're putting up with this life shit, you romanticize anything that comes your way should it come the wrong time (no, you don't believe in wrong or time but you know what i mean)- and no matter how relevant to reality it is, it seems like a wonderful fairy tale at most; you need your health insurance for your multiple medical conditions that weren't caused by the government, the law, culture or the economy, your FATHER had all these anarchist bragging rights and you don't want to be like THAT guy (which you halfway are), you don't have any other place to go but those you're assigned, you dissociate more than anything else, you're so phobic of invalidation that it has you on a leash, you're actively suffering your eating disorders, you don't have any cool anarchist friends to shoot the impressive anarchist vernacular with, you want it all to yourself, you suffer an ostensibly difficult time reading, and otherwise, you don't believe in this hope bullshit- and this is the best "you" [i] have ever done. i've worked my way up.
if i'm going to host my own cut-up, punk rock culture, or be an elitist with a select few in such, it's going to be understood i'm not to follow a protocol.

i'd prefer to house myself inside myself, accepting such as a shrine of anarchy worth being mindful over. it is everywhere. it is in the sky. it is in the sea. it is in every molecule and every source of reality.

it's likely this is all splitting. now do you know what splitting is- do you ever have to learn? it's likely you fucking don't.