Wednesday, May 11, 2016

aman.

my orbit continues. forgiveness is of no use. free yourself from shame, my friends. shame is eating you away. soon you will forget who you are aside from perceived inadequacies that were born upon the collision of the limited range of communication others are able to share.
sometimes we are fooled into believing we are all in this thing for one another. we allow this because we fear that facing the truth that we are carelessly robbed and enslaved will destroy us. we must distance ourselves from the deep curiosities that offer only shadows. we must even our grounds- truth is not out to hurt us or heal us. it is out for nothing. we are the ones that characterize it, paint intentions for it to abide.

i have cast shadow. i have cast light. the idea of letting go of all i've learned reminds me of my ability to breathe. the universe is god. god is all.

oh advertisement oh money oh money oh america oh polluted microcosm oh meat packing oh loss of sight oh alcoholic normalizing oh loss of tactile sensation oh sitting back and watching oh coke spoon oh everyone hands the coke spoon to you oh it's practically not in your hands oh widened eyes and huge smiles that hurt everyone wants you to buy them oh planet running out of dirt casting deadly fires and earthquakes hurricanes for the poor people protection for the rich and impoverished oh flashy cars oh tidal waves oh torrential rain that kills the daffodils and tulips for days and days and days oh patriarchy. who is my mother, who is my father, why is my acceptance the way it is (?).

accept that i have been to all of these places and perhaps will continue to.

dark, hibernating bear of berry-tree forest,

sometimes the earth is passed by mirrors unpolluted. it is unanimously agreed among these who cast reflection that earth is sick; a lost karma, unsealed- it will not be caught up by anyone before the destruction of the earth.
it is so that we are all unhappy ghosts.
those who once were the hunter-gatherers destroy in desperate search of meaning- this is what we believe purpose is. purpose will never be found as purpose does not exist. purpose is a manipulation deceiving us when we choose to seek information as to why we cannot understand ourselves. it pushes us violently further from our former hunter-gatherer beginnings toward a humiliating descent. we still don't know why we feel urges to understand ourselves. we still don't know why we house powerful voids that frighten us. we still don't know why that which we believe about ourselves is what brings us together; brings us anywhere. learning becomes a corrupt experience.
a sacrifice is made of ourselves as a rite of passage, we dedicate our remaining time on a disintegrating earth to mastering the productions of personae we modified from our artificial determination; we are born into a restriction we cannot persevere with. we choose to turn to static with personae we created with our false senses of control we fear we are lost without. control becomes all.
i accept the artificial reflection of control which i present as a reality. i accept in turn i harm my light. i accept i know what i've learned. what i will learn from now on will seem off- i will mistrust.
i dissect myself, giving away. dulling my immeasurable, indeterminable light.
i dissect myself, giving away my medicine for the benefit of those whose health perseveres when fed the sicknesses of other human animals.
i allow anything to be done to my material obsession i use to surround my artificial self to convince myself of its sovereign truth.
i will barely persevere. i have stopped listening. my insecurity will kill me.

to those of the early cave i see into, protective in hiding, unreturning, smelling of deep earth insects, extremely distanced yet vaguely familiar,

i wonder if i can go through you to become among an absolute synthesis.

surrounded by possessions perceived undesirable i go to seek material more austere. i am interested in loosing that which i once had. these acts are efforts to disguise ulterior motives that i choose to submit to. i refuse humility one obtains through the vulnerability- the openness- of my suffering. my suffering dominates me. i do not see it.

forget the importance of identity through the acceptance of yourself as a vehicle and nothing more. your are not special. nobody is, individualistically. special is a judgment that holds subjective meaning only. bury identity in a ground far from the ground you stand on, far past your conscious awareness. do not say goodbye. bury meaning. do not say goodbye. do not look back as you walk away. walk away without tracking your steps. simply walk away. walk forward to something unknown and pleasuring.
our bodies have little to do with reality. we have been taught they mean more than they are so people can survive off of money, which is the way we have hard-wired ourselves into interrelating. bury this circulation. we believe we are fat when in fact our bodies have fat. repeat this until you nod, for it is a fact. bodies guide us through hell until we allow it to overcome us. this loss became only shortly after our genesis. we slowly meander, occasionally bumping into one another, then backing away. drop history, for it is dead and serves no use. only the moment exists. drop knowledge. it is of no use and is incongruent with change, which is constant. knowledge is held onto in fear of letting go and harming it. we hold onto knowledge because we are proud of that knowledge which we hold. we are still attached to having.
knowledge is now dead. the moment is unattached to relics of yesterday, unattached to all except that of its own amoebic movement. let us bury knowledge without saying goodbye to it and move away without tracking our steps.

notice what we call "beauty" is a caustic substance that does not hold itself together well, like all substances, material and immaterial. beauty is a fervent, ecstatic energy violently tearing through fields defined by waters, fires, winds, and unspoiled dirt. your composure will respond uniquely to each unique composition of these four elements, playing with one another. be mindful of the force that is yours borrowed- understand that an emotion or a thought does not need to extend into action. remember this importantly, as observing is crucial.
separating from physical manifestation, one long polluted from excesses exclusive only to the earth may find the undoing of our perceptions of "beauty" challenging. continue understanding that an emotion or thought does not need to extend into action.

pay respects when happening across other life forces than your own borrowed self. you are a serenity, as are they. enter this serenity when among others, whether their serenity seems unburdened, luminous and pure, or whether their serenity seems dulled, buried by tortured emotions and confusions over the betraying instructions our teachers have given us. intentionally enter the golden-white pools of light of serenity and become again with the once separated, long-lost.
this is called paying respects.

pay respects coming across your observations of your own life force. enter. be.

when at this point in one's journey of discovery and purity, forgiveness of what you once tried to convince yourself you were (a receiver of things) is unnecessary. there is no use of forgiveness. apologies and forgiveness are reinforcements of shame that digest one in their deepening insecurity. one loses sight of what responsibility is.

pay respects of such emotions as mourning of all one once believed in and perceived. also pay respects to the amorality of change and god, the universe, to begin with. morals were created to cause tension and cause wars.

now is the time to understand teaching. such belongs to all. you are a channel for bold, fierce change. an action you extend outward can encourage healing or be misguided, causing a wounding. allow this ability to breathe. stretch yourself- all which is encountered is to be spoken through you. you will learn many languages. you will discern with wisdom. do not interfere with the change that speaks through the channel of purely unclouded light. concern yourself only with keeping alive. you have entered transcendence. you have entered, given and received space. you are god.

*
i walk past all that i've known. all of my skins shed- allow the earth to swallow them. see how i am a moment unattached to all but possibilities. the universe akashic/anarchic i know, and i am whole. i am rudimentary element.