Monday, May 30, 2016

you are my addressing of my will and of my poverty.

my anger does not need to be used for a target practice.
your aim lacks dedication.
i feel anger spasmodically right now, dismissing
of a reception of apologist superiority. if this is empathy i receive,
i reject such. it does not shape me.
you are losing your voice. i am gaining my hearing.

allow my speaking to continue its movement without
unwanted or unneeded disruptions, such indicative
of your distractions and self-convinced pitying. neither shape me.
your hearing is limiting itself
from limiting me.

you are to be rejected placidly.
you are unable to decide what happens next. you always
have been.
you are incomprehensible.
do not pretend you are to decide what happens next.
it will not penetrate my refusal of further misery.

you are not in charge of my being. you have offered
persuasion i have drawn myself to
without noticing until this point:
i am persuaded into diseases designed to define me.
there is no reason i ought to not trust my body
the way it was when i was born.
there is no reason i damage myself with chemical atropy
i have been sold and bought without questioning.

it does not need to be that i am
victimized and silencing myself of this victimization
at all
save to stay within the communal body
which i am desensitized to.

i am your enemy and i judge you to be too weak to realize it. do not forget me, for i
am your teacher
cast out of your vision to teach you what you
desperately must learn.
i am a part of you testing you with the presence of myself.
i am a kingdom in which laughter is banned. he who laughs
becomes damned.
fear me. for centuries i have festered in a pool of murky waters
and rotting meat. i have grown and dismembered upon growing.

i am the barbarian you dismissed as a barbarian.
you poked at me from a distance
confused at the self generating passivity that was me, alive,
wanting to be something more.

understand i am something more.
you have barely led me with your self-generated power.
you have told me i am an anomaly
in honor of my maze i wander through.

you will not come near me. you never were able to-
and i tell you now it is against my will
if you decide to try to come near me.

hear me practice my language that i know how to give. such is my vision.
hear this is the dissolution of my hearing you
and the confronting of you never having heard me.

i am ready
to want to hear myself and learn of my kingdom and of my maze.

i absolutely engage in my breath as i throw myself out
of that which i slowly vanquish my body from.
i pull away from leeches that have ripped my skin off, regenerating
flesh on my own.

you have been displaced. i am the size of a mountain
and you fear this.
in your fear, your role is dismissed.

you are to never be involved with former knowledges or laws again.
you are to cry dispassionately.

does not interest you. you are banished.