Saturday, June 25, 2016

a little bit.

if you wish
to continue
to feel

as though
you are in a movie

you are going
to need
to get off your ass

and smile
smile
smile
for the camera

or else this movie
is going to keep sucking.

your once-wrongdoing is only a psychosis
bombarding presence.

stop believing in it.
oh, but you have depression, you say.
well everyone has that.

just jump on the bus.
boost your seratonin, the modern
incantation.

come on, get happy.

snap out of it, for

everything is okay
as in i don't want you to leave me
for the big screen

or
at all-

i'd kill myself, hear this
loud
loud and clear;

everything is okay
as in i believe you have it in you
as i believe i have it in myself

everything is okay
everything is okay
everything is okay

i don't understand but i don't underestimate that there is no need to;
everything is okay

everything is okay, did you ever think about your choices
effecting others, i mean, without

immediately pushing these thoughts away?
you effect. everything is okay. good.

so you know everything is okay, then, as in you must
warn this guy that turned on you
that killing you
would hurt them
or killing you
would hurt you

though you're unsure how to articulating either-

you don't want to cramp this guy's style; disrupt
his process.

so you scream something about coming back reincarnate
to eat his grandchildren,

coming soon, whenever that is.

you promised everyone- promised your
mother, your doctors, people
you once knew, people
you don't know how to get closer than distant to

that this wouldn't happen,

but you're falling apart- promises are not holding

everything together, and it
seems frightening

even in your state
of being used to terror. you promised that you didn't care

how they'd feel- only

the people who don't care
do you care how they'd feel after the fact,

and they sure as hell would fucking care.

they'd cry- out of guilt, but this would be
an exacting vengeance

a little bit.

mortality
seem too near

not that i care.
who cares, really, until you catch sight of a dead squirrel.

i don't care, so, yes, everything is okay.

you don't like to be touched is all.
that's okay.
everything is okay- right? right.

your scene is coming.
smile
smile

remember all the times.
one after another

did they buy into themselves,

and look now.
you look like a toad.

you probably are a toad, one warm
toad
body

in the jaws of a dog.

smile
smile
smile

smile

smile
when you go for the kill.

when you do that- kill-
you are killing
only
momentarily.

that's okay- just
smile.

now, you're untouchable- pure
dripping nectar, gold,

thousand petalled lotuses.

that's right. you
smile away, baby.

no, you don't appear stupidly.
that is harsh.

disingenious, but
smiling.

that's all it takes

to get off your ass
and feign meaning

until kingdom come and meaning be.

if you can do it, you say,
anyone can.

believe me-
believe

in yourself. i believe

in myself

a little bit.