Saturday, June 4, 2016

determined risks.

change is following me in each of my houses in which i am lost
as many walls cut down on my thick paranoias i crave.
i cannot bear to estrange myself, though
my bearing my estrangement is self-evident.
the distinctions of the houses in which
directions do not exist must rearrange themselves, for this estrangement
exhausts me.
my self-based understanding
is a refusal to trust inner-belonging. it is my fall i break
without understanding the clarity of pain.

change i allow to follow
inside every house in which i restlessly reside.
this schizophrenia misguides me. the secrets it tells me
i believe to be truth, my identity.

i am a dream and the space i fear
of myself without a dream.
i often make naive mistakes in attempts
of filling this space i fear of myself

that lacks dream.

i forgive all innocences- innocences will heal-
and i wonder if forgiveness ever stays.

i admit my imposed restrictions
and that these restrictions are loosening in their taut positionings. i am made
of concrete, tar, and buildings
shaped like boxes unwelcoming.

there are no ghosts.
there are only passwords and shams.

i admit i feel shame that i may want to excess.
i admit i dismiss achievements, particularly upon fulfilling

i am possibilities, of which wholeness
cannot be quantified nor objectified.
i am drastic shifts of power
and in mass bared subterranean.

i am every snake abandoning my children, and also
the great mother to be called on
when outer bodies forget how to see how i see.

mass bared subterranean warmth i fight against.

no longer am i to neglect the great beast in whom
the womb of every dream
is in danger of pulling itself in every direction, never
to break.
i am this womb.
i am the beast who bears this womb.
there isn't a cure nor is there a suppressant. all functioning
is to be trusted as serving to a process
and of its own body, whether entrusted or not-

i am of its own body.
of my own body, cures
are unnecessary. my feet have walked among

every wet leaf among one another
burying earthworms with prayers to send far from myself. i have greeted

drenched flowers, laying beside
insects urging me to move forward. these are the times
during which i must let go of my nurtured

engendering of time.

my extension
of my inner space reaches to the outside. often
it happens so quickly that i do not notice it.

i conquer- i am the first shadow that looks like a monster
to a small child; to every child
that is a series of trees warning every child
they are to languish in presence of that which cannot
be recognized as realities.

there are five points to every war
every child is to discover, long after they begin dismissing
their earliest fears
that grow stronger as they go ignored.

the five points to every war have long together gone
without facing persecution
as war is dissected indirectly
and without inherent acknowledging
of involvement.