Friday, June 24, 2016

how deep is your love.

re-visiting reasons why i love you as much as i fail to convince myself i do:

it was so romantic when we met though nobody buys it or gives a shit including us.

drift-body; how many pulls away into
slow suicide
are you

to put up with
to keep

all of them
all of them
all of them


rip rip
i don't think we should be doing this
doing this

back and fourth
to the surface, boiling
drone manuevering
fizzling back underneath
fearing motion
fear is the only fear to fear, oh say can one sing.
fearing fear
having seconds
putting hand on heart
it hurts

to do that
speaking of debts
going on the internet
exploring the allowed
playing three-chord
following along
getting an education

getting hooked to power
and machinations of power
fear fear for fear fear
oh fear can one oh fear can one
it only loves you

eating vegetables
washing hands before meals
and after meals
hating waking up
never learning from upbringing
noting declared strengths and weaknesses
losing faith
entering society into mouth
going to the emergency room for a dick problem
doing the bunny hop
being so dirty
reflecting outside as inside
being unique
being kind to the needing
being kind to the unlucky
being kind to the unfortunate
being kind to the cast of the movie "freaks"
to feel better about willingly putting the self in a subserviant position

baking cookies
becoming a famous musician one day
having connections
having guys that owe us big time
fulfilling sense of purpose as phenomena
fulfilling sense of purpose out of desperation
fulfilling sense of purpose as activism
fulfilling activism as sense of self righteous classical example following
wanting to be loved
being judged
saying "i'm going to kill myself" in front of children
having sex with your mother as a rite of passage to exhile
fondly remembering your lackluster memories
going to the dentist
being insecurities
being stunted of intelligence as per life experience
caring only about identity
and the unfortunate of course

not even getting started

judging people as sadistic for laughing at people falling
not defending work
not defending perceived need for money
being mother theresa to the lesser than
being completely schizophrenic, but not brandished as such, so languishing in mass confusion and slow suicide forever
peanut butter
following a schedule
needing structure
witnessing mindlessness everywhere and not knowing what to do about it
being paranoid but not being brandished as such so languishing in it forever
being elite
thinking class is necessary when you mean "hierarchy"
smelling what freud was stepping in
dreaming of people coming together and flying because of shared tragedy

calling people rich of melanin black
calling people a little less rich of melanin brown
calling people somewhat less rich of melanin but tinted slightly of green yellow
calling people with the least rich of melanin of all white

being in a race
being in a prison, but not prison-prison
being in a rainforest still, though quite wounded
being in a war
being haunted
denying passage
working on an interesting recipe found in a magazine in the doctor's office
contributing to global terrorism shamefully
going to the bathroom
waahing hands after pissing
flushing toilet after each piss
flushing toilet especially after shitting
going on interesting and oppressive dates
supporting oppression
finding fascination in mass murderers for a reason
when murder is publicized as sad, telling self murder is sad
when murderer is made a poster child for the lack of empathy in the world, researching them
horror movies following the same plot always
watching horror movies, shaming mass murderers- relating to them unconsciously or not
getting everything over with out of obligation
getting whelm or holiday over with
getting prayer over with
buying into bullshit easily
bullshit working like a charm
marching single file
having to marry the peanut dick that might as well have just raped you