you came up with an idea for a super cool, really punk
you shout from the rooftops that you're going to get it
because pain is so cool and you have such an awesome
there's something to dissect
you always want to name things after your abortions.
you always grin.
you watch the news and behave as if shocked
but i know you feel guilty like me, over
your de-sensitized position. the celebrities matter more.
this is where
the big man wants us to sit.
he wants us to take pictures of ourselves.
these pictures are acts of licking dick
in exchange for false promises of love.
if we don't get love, we get to cry
over how we don't get what we want
and how we feel lost over this. we don't know where to go.
we eat sugar. it's actually crack-cocaine
we synthesize with so well.
i suggested to my super cool, really punk friend
to cut himself instead
or bury a pair of tits in his chest, close to his heart.
he said it's not all the same. he said
he constitutes "pain" as an umbrella term
for different reasons of causing pain.
no matter what, it's cool, because it's like being on the news.
it's like being a celebrity, not that he's into that.
(i confuse the two.)
i said, fine.
here are my teeth i take out. see? see.
here are my hands prying my jaw apart. allah!
just keep your focus on what i balance
on the tip of my tongue. it is a heart. it's weird, all this stuff
inside of ourselves
we never stop to think about until it is pointed out
and we don't really know what to make of it,
so we carry on. this tattoo is of a girl who didn't feel like
integrating herself into the world.
she was rejected, a body that wouldn't die.
my moral compass remained strong
and i kept telling her to go away.
the world doesn't tolerate foreign objects
entering the propriety of images, and neither
she thought very highly of herself
and kept coming back.
i swallowed what i believed
was her heart but i guess it wasn't, because
i've still failed to shit it out
and i'm clogged
and i regurgitate shit, showering
five times a day in cold water,
washing off the ghosts,
the dead in the water,
drowning mother, sister, witchcraft practicioner, father, best stuffed animal,
shittiest teacher, guts, entertainment on television, working for money, money, stunt, idea. health freak.