Thursday, November 17, 2016

here comes the breath of fresh air.

your honor, i prefer it
when it is you who presides over me-

i like to think your honor finds innocence in me,
banishing the jury; failing
to understand judgment at all.

i find innocence in you just as much- refusing
to seek elsewhere,
refusing to unzip your fly, refusing to pull your pants down.

i am keeping my urges to do so to myself, making them dark-
turning them into shame.

my only fetish withstanding
is being an object of fetish- your fetish.

we can presume this is fate- my winding up here,
before you, so that your faith can be restored,
and now you will be young again

until you are not.

i think of myself as how you fondly think of me
in order to keep calm.

do not hesitate to trust me. i can only be faithful
to that which i believe i need
in order to survive, which i believe i must do.

i learn to never do an ugly thing, as i keep it all
inside of me. i become self-conscious,
strangling the innards of my brain to exist only as this.

you remain ignorant of your starvation,
until fed. think of this feeding as what i've done for you,

when you cringe with disgust at those in whom
you determine guilt- mere reflections

of the side of you that does not feel remorse
that you do not want to feel.
the disgust equates enough,

disgust at those in whom patina is obvious, their experiences
having made impressions on their faces.

you do not stomach it. this is your impoverishment
you do not know about;

your secret side you keep apart from me;
your double life.
think of me at these moments, and

think of me when you return home. think of me
rubbing your temples, and you will know
you are home.

i will never grow old.
and when you grow old, continuing to forget
how to feed yourself, i will remember you fondly
as the isolated image you always were- the oxygen

i allow the innards of my brain to be nourished with.

i will never grow old.
you will never find me in jail, never

staring from beyond a grave as one
who lives both life and death at once,

the land which is a burden that cannot be ignored.

you will never know where to find me at all.
never a single grey;
all is ignorance of sex. fear of drugs. fear of death. frivolous.