Monday, July 3, 2017

been kissing god's ass
for forever

and this is not just pathetic
it's also childhood shit
so this is definitely torture.

while my parents
were getting a divorce, the third

entity, which was
their real child: the sum of
the two of them
had died in an airplane crash

with me
and since there was only us

only i could see
identify
taste
smell
touch
eat it

and this consuming
caused it to come back to life
in me.

sudden cancer half-ate it
without bothering me:
we was jumped
by several guys at once

being unable
to distinguish

one
from the other

all of their masks scared me so i
shit everywhere.

and it stayed that way
forever.

there are no cures
except fantasizing

that there are: guys

i'm too shy to ask out
fucking me.

sound of a balloon popping. of a recorder. my dog
panting as he guards me. cancelling field trips. teeth
falling out in dreams. symptoms
not matching up with shit the internet says
are symptoms. calling myself

a child-woman. a shaman. calling
meditation meditation.