Thursday, August 10, 2017

white is my essence.

this part i'm about to write lines for, it comes from
something i feel is
in you, this vindictive mother
from the middle east somewhere: i wanna see you suffer like how
my children have had to- if i can see humanity

in you, i know you can do it; i know i can
banish my shadow to the other side. i don't have the time to trust that shit.

this is me doing black magick and calling it something else romantic, like, white
magick, 'kuz, if i
trust it, then that's taking away its romanticism,

and i know i wanna stay in the honeymoon phase forever.

i'm giving you material manifestation, baby- that's when giving counts
as a birthday present. you've always

wanted this so shut the fuck up and get hard.

*fin*. she was talkin' to me, the west. you know how mothers can be.
givin' me grass that ain't candy.

disappointment i guess you see in me when i be
twitchin' my whiskers, dunno

what a hunter is except what ya s'posed to run from. something tells me: it's you. a part
of you unknown to you.
"i don't want any bunnies eatin' my carrots y'hear!"
ya chase me wit ya rifle, than remember some other place

you happen to be in at the same time. "i know you wouldn't eat all of my carrots, though. please come back.
your ears... so cute, so tiny."

ya makin' me naive, me bein'
the silly li'l bunny i am, don't know any better
than to attract myself to danger. i dunno how to avoid

winding up being unrealistic.

white as the man that told ya to get out of here what's yours is mine now, white as milk,
white as snow.

that's me being what the clouds are:
i learned a word from your language and now i'm everywhere, stretchin'
across the blue skies, infinite cotton ball being gently torn. loomin' over.

i can't stop your coming inside me: already tasted you- sweet, i would
swallow forever, named you butterfly.
already looked and, upon doing so, saw

we've shared one another in past lives, meaning, however
it once went down, it helped lead up to my survival today, and it's advantageous of me to seek more of this.

and you as well. you as fucking well.

see? now you got me mad, i used the "f" word. now i'm starin' your tumor down. takin' it away from ya, doin' the dirty work, the surgery. it's not
embrassin' for me to be an MD in front of you, only

in front of the other MDs, so here i go, confidently.
the tumor is the part that doesn't get me. you're its little bitch. it's the part of you that dislikes my
pink lips, pink nipples, when, just the other day, when just

givin you a ride was all it would take for you to get
i love you unconditionally, all my pink parts made me a prize in your eyes.

white is my essence, is what the tumor says to you about me, robust listless n' disillusioned. white makes
the rest of the world toxic, makes us go mad. just bein' honest, broski, is its afterthought.

white is sheltered, yeah you can be loud an' proud 'kuz ya bougie, always
got a roof over ya head no matter how you screw up; to which i reply: never thought i'd see the day when my suffering
would be comparatively overlooked, dismissed as privileged,

'kuz ostracism, my personal cancer, what
has made me a refugee in my own right, don't mean shit next to how you see shit.
my ostracism is too new.
my ancestors, the seed we all sprout from, stole this land and brainwashed me, i'm so privileged that i'll deny that this is actually something that's actually happened.

you put words in my mouth like that. you say you're straightforward...why can't
you just say, "i'm afraid to trust you"? why we always gotta put blame on one another?

love you for everything except your tumor, the way
satan hurt you, papi. wanna nurse you back to health but i'm no mother, just

a witch, and only 'kuz i like adventure.

my discipline is all about removing, binding and burying your tumor, so that we can move on,

dunno how it'll effect the rest of you; hope ya won't become a zombie. we'll see.
offering to the elements, getting myself to let go, and accepting loss, hasn't done
as much as i want it to do. i wanna be completely free of this.

*buried*. and now we are both awake, multi-colored, set free. we are all multi-colored. i see shaman.
love you for everything and even your tumor
now that it's just a pet you once had, papi. (last part was just a dream.) 💔