Tuesday, March 20, 2018

very good reason for everything.

"The way I understand it, part of the purpose of shaman sickness is to saturate you with poison; in the way that fever drives out illness, shaman sickness strikes at the illness of your life in order to heal you. Getting to the harmony and “health” necessary for a spirit-worker isn't accomplished by comfortable forms of healing - it's amputation and fever, like cutting out cancer or making the body such a toxic environment that whatever invading parasite is driven out or killed. The life that was originally present is forever altered because it was “sick” by the standards of spirit-work. When you're “healthy” you are by necessity a different person. 


the storm i house
is the only part of my life i
don't set free. she's the chakra
i've set fire to, somehow a part of my real
body, as in

the one buried underneath all the others. she who
bites and scratches at all who come near.

i offer myself

to the storm forever
to keep it going. let me have a way
to be myself. keep the storm going forever.

i'm not gonna deny it, not gonna lie by saying
my center is a pit or a seed

like how it is for the others
operating on the other wavelength.

mine will expand one day.
mine will be huge and it will change.

Friday, March 16, 2018

"Stigma formed by community reactions and displayed in the media is extremely damaging for any person experiencing any form of mental illness. It is damaging for an individual’s self-identity if they accept the stigma attached to mental illness and start to view themselves from the perspective of the person or social group who is stigmatizing and labeling them. The stigmatized individual internalizes, feelings of shame and guilt and will generally start to isolate themselves from others. This then contributes to the individuals changed sense of self-identity (SANE, 2011;). Becker (in Roach Anleu,1999: 28) states that the label of deviance has been successfully applied by the oppressive other or oppressive segment of society, if the stigmatized person accepts the label placed on them.

"Why is it that the United States armed forces have a bombing range on a Hawaiian island once filled with temples and sacred sites? Do they seriously believe that bombs can destroy the gods? I hope they will soon recognize that what destroys can only destroy itself[...]

despair of the endless.

Sunday, February 25, 2018

it's a beautiful day outside.

the atheist.

it would make sense
that if two opposing forces
are actually two ways of looking at

the same truth,

than the leeches
who harm me- no, i haven't forgotten this-

also serve as the bridge
that brings all of humanity together

under which a river of spit shit vomit pussy juice cum flows

and since nature dislikes strong people
that deny their strengths, such as myself,

i must cross the bridge
else continue misunderstanding the fortune

of being one bound to solid physicality forever-
misunderstand the lesson behind it

that gives one the choice
to either sink or to swim

as infections rot through the surface of
my outer-most body, stuffed with

the same spit shit vomit pussy juice cum
that i must carefully

conquer my fear over, transmute into light

and declare
that i've created something, that i'm god somehow

hey look yes look look see haha yay
i've given everybody a river.

there are no drums here
sending me into a trance. no animals

making noise
over how they're watching over me
guess they sensed

i didn't care about saying "thank you" to them before we'd part
for the same reasons

they did

no variation of the thin tall black ancient medicine man
that shows up and

gives me the exact surgery i need
every time. i made him all up.

kalima is not here
nor's her most terrible aspects
because this fascination has all

merely been a flight of fancy.

no great mystery threatening my life
or offering me hope, either.

this finality i embrace is all that i'll allow to
get me high, my only ally.
yes i think i know this storm by now

i think it's safe to say we're more than just friends

watch as we wait for one another, not even
needing to do anything really
before we just merge

without a sense of urgency, without a sense of
much at all

other than

one one thousand
two one thousand
three one thousand


we're setting an example
of how one truly transmutes a sea of all the bullshit one has
fed oneself with
and turns it into light.

you can do it with anything when you find
direction, when you suddenly

are all self-possessed with certainty.

and the blood running between my thighs, or

the river,

swallow and


no one
is home

because this is
my home
where there is only
just me.

Saturday, February 24, 2018

i am my child.
she is my mother.
she is chamunda.