Sunday, April 23, 2017

co-dependent relationship.

it's you
i open the window for
because fresh air is healthy
and you're all about demands sometimes.

i feel frozen. what can i afford, or, what more
can i do for you; when is the next day
they will equate
so i can know i have
my strength to look forward to validating?

i deny acknowledging
that i do everything for this relationship
because you are unable- you are a queen,
you've never moved a muscle,

and sometimes, my hard work
i dedicate to you
fuels my frustration; that's when i tell you
i get you're amoral, incapable
of caring,
and this really hurts my feelings, confounds
my shit; where do you go
when compromised? i need space
i'm not allowed to have.

there is no value
for my wants seperate from you anymore,

just missing, aching.
i know it seems irresponsible of me to care little about
origins (sometimes i think it would be
radical, accepting, responsible, brave
for me to abandon all obligations
all of them, yes, all-or-nothing
)
it's only names of moons
i care about
give me romanticism; care about me while understanding,
equate hope

twinkle twinkle twinkle
lyre lyre lyre

Sunday, April 16, 2017

sex sells.


baphomet.


i added four pictures of paintings, previously unshared, to my portfolio, and i changed its address. thanks for looking should you choose to.

peach.smugmug.com

Friday, April 14, 2017

i believe so much in growth.
this is the part that grows legs
this is the part that grows blowing bubbles
this is the part that matters
this is the part that's nothing and needs to be nothing to begin with so beautiful things can happen
this is the part that's buddha
hey buddha
do you see me, laughing fuck?
do you see me under my tree
that is the tree that matters the most to me?
what was it like abandoning your family?
i'm abandoning my family, because of you, because i'm curious
to unearth soul from under the mass
of my own isolated suffering.
obvious
sacrifices
must be made, because
our emotions weren't ever
involved
anyway
says
mating
ritual,

we are not mourning doves, nor
are we swans,
together forever together forever means blah blah blah blah blah kinda protocol
my scent is onto something.

confused about the whole being an animal thing.

Monday, April 10, 2017

okay i edited this, because this following passage was even more rejuvenating.

"So much a part of being an American in today’s world is being awash in this spectacle of separation. Thus we constantly are complaining, but never doing anything about anything. We always have an opinion about everything under the sun, but never an overall analysis of the totality of the systems of power and control. Most Americans are in a constant state of passivity yet also extreme anxiety about our inability to change our surroundings, which often leaves us in a constant state of waiting for someone else to do it for us. Thus, many despise politicians, but also are always waiting around for the right one. And while we wait, this system gives us the ability to comment on everything and document every aspect of our lives, but never to examine the shallowness of these lives or what makes them so. To be an American is to celebrate the resignation of agency in the face of statism and the industrial capitalist economy, yet celebrate this reality as a virtue. 
"

https://itsgoingdown.org/news-didnt-even-know-going-march17/

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

when guru says you can do anything possible
and so much more,

i will forgive them for seeming unreal when they
turn to me, saying, "aside from you. you really
need to learn to enjoy fucking up.
(e.g., putz about farting, head droop toward
cell phone here, pick at ear wax
there, etc.)"

it will be known that i've been too poor as in
unable to listen without
the interference of ascetic mindset. not allowed to exist
without conserving the memory
of anorexia i.e., the good ol' days.

mirror is dissolved for them. they're able to see
i am sorry.
only the giving needs to know that,

otherwise
they wouldn't just happen to know.

ps. trauma is relative ( i wanna say that, because
i thought i was all trauma, so bad, that now
i would die if it was removed from who i am.
)
people like going to the opera
no matter what kind.

just a suggestion: do not be a hero. only then
does robbery become your problem.
just pretend to be a mountain. if i can do it
anyone can. i'm a
mountain

dragging my feet across the ground
because it's telling me
my history is under there

shhhh. hear it all? storytellers. okay, i'll say something now, though.
and because this is how to
say something, i'll howl about landscape
exclusively to find
family

we're
all
rooting
for
you

deep
down
inside

i'm
sure
we
are

we
love
you

we
love
you

deep
down
inside

i'm
sure

i
swear
we
love
you
so
much

dominating archetype.

afterword says "enigmatical," and something like,
"seemed interesting. not sure
what to make of it. bold or whatever."
speaks in tongues to ensure
likelihood of afterword. (speaks in tongues
is name given by spirit i stalk,
hold up, refuse to release- refuse

to let become invisible.
)

loses voice. speaks in tongues

all the other directions that pull, which is
every direction.
"release me" is all they're trying
to say
when they pull. not yet, i say, not until

i get to know you entirely, memorizing
everything forever.

lucky mcluckster. isle of
having the biggest dick.